President Bush outlaws male masturbation, bans contraceptives

Via the AP

Today, President Bush signed legislation that criminalized recreational masturbation. "I believe that recreational masturbation crosses a moral boundary," said the President.

"This bill will prevent the taking of innocent lives for the sake of another's personal enjoyment," Bush said while surrounded by families who had adopted sperm not wanted by men, and then used that sperm to fertilize an egg and have children.

"Each of these children was adopted while still a sperm and has been blessed with a chance to grow, to grow up in a loving family. These boys and girls are not disposable parts," he said.

"They remind us of what is lost when sperm are disposed of in the name of pleasure. They remind us that we all begin our lives as a gamete. And they remind us that in our zeal for new sexual pleasure, America must never abandon our fundamental morals," Bush said.

"I also today signed legislation outlawing contraception. Each one of these children here today wouldn't be here today if they hadn't had the chance as a sperm to fertilize an egg. No one has the right to stop a sperm from fertilizing an egg and becoming a child, to rob that innocent human life of its pursuit of happiness and its right to life. It is unethical to prevent a male gamete human life from merging with a female gamete human life, from having the opportunity to grow for the sake of seeking sexual gratification," the President told the audience.

Although most Americans opposed the criminalization of recreational masterbation and the ban on contraceptives, the President's stand is popular with his Religous Right base whom the party is counting on energizing in the elections.

Yesterday, when asked why the President opposed recreational masterbation and contraception, the President's press secretary had answered, "The simple answer is he thinks murder’s wrong. And he has said."